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...No idea where I'm headed in 2018/2019, but I can't wait to get there...

So you've landed here on my iWillNotBonk.com Triathlon Training Blog and you're probably wondering who the hell this Tavis guy is and what iWillNotBonk is all about.

I'm just an average age-grouper / weekend warrior blogging about Ironman Triathlon Training and this complex puzzle of juggling life, having fun and reporting on my various feats of strength and endurance adventures!

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Typical Pre and Post Ride Cyclist Conversation…

“The Jan” – Blog Entry #2 – Pre Vegas

Hey Folks – Hozumi and I are heading down to Vegas this weekend for a little R&R.  Bunch of folks are doing the Vegas Marathon on Sunday and this is usually the time we hit the California International Marathon in Sacramento, but this year we pulled the chute and we’re just going for fun – how about that?!  Maybe we’ll do a couple laps up and down the strip… nekkid.

Anyway, in honour of our trip, and the official Stage #1 start of the Peak Winter Cycling Race Series tomorrow, I thought I’d post another hilarious post from the famous  “The Jan Blog”.  Enjoy.

South Africa is being the hot.

The Jan is not understanding this. Why every year are we going to the South Africa? I mean, please for a second be thinking about this. Africa is being hot. Are you having any idea how hot it is being in South Africa? That is like going to the Hell, and then going to be taking an escalator down another flight. It is being the fucking hot, ok? That is what the Jan is saying.

Some of the things are going to the better. There have been no more of the nightmares about the Lance being a giant donut that is chasing me down and then stuffing itself into my mouth and then choking me and then pushing me down on the playground and I am being naked again and my GrandMaMa is there and she is crying. So that is good. I am not doing the thinking about him anymore. He is being the retired now. He said. No takebacks. He is still being the retired, right? Ok, that is the good.

I am being on the bicycle 5 hours a day down here. That is being the boring. Don’t get the Jan wrong, I am being loving the bicycle as an implement to inflict suffering on the Jan’s foes and make them cry with shame and make their blood to cover the ground in great red rivers, but there are being none of the foes in the training, and after yesterday they are telling me that I cannot even be beating the innocent bystanders with the rusty pipe anymore, the very pipe that the Jan is always carrying explicitly for the beating of innocents. The Jan is a wolf surrounded by sheep. Sometimes, I am giving the Klodi a wedgie, because when the Jan rides the bike, someone must suffer.

The Mob is being hearing that little Hairball Primavera himself, (that is the Basso for you people who are having the retardation,) is now going to ride the Giro like the Jan. We are not caring. The Mob is only going there to meet Italian chicks. I am not caring about the winning at the Giro. I am even thinking that I will be wearing only a cowboy hat for one stage, because that would be being the funny, and I am probably going to be being the drunk anyway. Sure, the Lance won 7 Tours, but did he ever win a stage naked? No, the Jan is thinking not.

Eh, the Jan will talk to you soon.

The Kaiser.

Hey Folks!

Somewhat of a productive week to round out November. Got a couple quality bike sessions in on the drainer (inclusive of the pain and suffering at Peak during the computrainer racing series) along with a couple runs in torrential rain and hail – what fun!

Alls I can say is, for those of you that live in “nicer climate” (like you bastards down in SoCal) – you’re freaking lucky. Being able to get out and bike/run whenever you want and not worry about freezing your arse off while doing it is a huge advantage to living up here in the Great White North. Not that Vancouver is really the Great White North, but for all intents and purposes – it aint sunny and most of the people reading this blog think we Canadians live on the Arctic tundra…eh

Anyway, my philosophy of “training ROI” is holding firm and I don’t care who I hear from that is currently training 15 to 20 hours a week – good for frickin’ you 😉 Let’s see who’s faster come Spring AND who still has their sanity AND who actually got to do other stuff besides train AND didn’t have to get up at 4:30 am to get to their masters swim classes. (Yes, there is more to life than just training – I’m not exactly sure what there is yet, but I’m having fun sitting on my ass trying to find it ;).

So yah, 6 to 8 hours a week for me until the sun comes out next year… that’s my story and I’m sticking to it (suffice to say the fellas over at Team Endurance Nation have sufficiently brain-washed me into this philosophy and in conjunction with testing at The Peak Centre, I believe I’m on the right path to setting up for a good 2010.

Speaking of Peak, just did Stage 5 of the winter race series yesterday and it was “ok”. By “OK”, I mean I didn’t puke and I managed to keep the chain on the whole time without a catastrophic mis-shift at a critical point in the race…. Avg. watts were still pretty crappy all things considered, but I’ll take it for now. We’ll see what’s shakin in 6 to 8 weeks 😉

Ok folks, I’m outta here – have a good week.

p.s. – Congrats to all of you that did / are doing IM Cozumel today!!!

North America Sports – Community Fund Spots Available for Subaru Ironman Canada

Ironman Canada Triathlon announces that Community Fund Entry Spots are now open for the 2010 edition of Subaru Ironman Canada. Athletes may access the Community Fund entry by way of the race website, www.ironman.ca. The 2010 race is now sold out to general entry. The 28th annual Subaru Ironman Canada will be held on Sunday, August 29, 2010 in Penticton and the surrounding Okanagan Valley in Read the rest of this entry

“The Jan” – this is funny sh*t!

Okay folks – time for some humour to offset the dark goominess that is the Vancouver winter training season. Many years ago when MySpace was actually cool… ahem… I was following a blog by a hysterical dude who wrote in the voice of Jan Ullrich before the 2006 Tour de France. This was the funniest stuff I’ve ever read and as a cyclist who follows Le Tour and all the drama behind it (EPO notwithstanding), I’m certain you’ll laugh your ass off.    I’ll post a few at a time over the course of my training for Ironman as I’m sure it will mirror what’s going thru my own head as the “day of reckoning” in Penticton approaches for next year… Thanks “Jan” for providing the funniest myspace posts I’ve ever read – these reposts are in your honour.

**via myspace and you have to pretend you’re reading it in a really bad German accent 😉

Read The First in a Series of “The Jan” Blog posts

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