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...No idea where I'm headed in 2016, but I can't wait to get there...

So you've landed here on my iWillNotBonk.com Triathlon Training Blog and you're probably wondering who the hell this Tavis guy is and what iWillNotBonk is all about.

I'm just an average age-grouper / weekend warrior blogging about Ironman Triathlon Training and this complex puzzle of juggling life, having fun and reporting on my various feats of strength and endurance adventures!

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Politically Correct Happy Holidays!

Politically Correct Happy Holidays!

Regardless of, but not limited to race, gender, sexual orientation, diet and hygiene habits, please accept, with no obligations, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally-conscious and friendly, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

May you have a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great (not to imply that Canada/Britain are necessarily greater than any other country nor are they the only countries in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, triathlon/marathon personal best or sexual orientation of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes for him/herself or others, and is void where prohibited by law; it is revocable at the sole direction of the wishor.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.

Signed, sealed and delivered by the wishor, this twenty-third day of December, 2009


Nothing to do with Triathlon, but a great article nonetheless

** GREAT article by Matthew DeBord via HuffingtonPost

Tiger Woods Is So, So, So Much Bigger Than Golf

I will not talk about Tiger Woods’ mistresses, some of who actually seem like pretty nice women whose feelings were genuinely hurt by the Striped One and his randy ways. I will not talk about Tiger’s perhaps soon-to-be-ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, who has apparently taken off the gloves along with her wedding band in preparation for an epic assault on Woods’ bank account. I will not talk about Nike, which is in the unenviable position of having to stick by Woods no matter what, given that Phil Knight has built a major golf brand from scratch entirely on Tiger’s back. I will not talk about Phil Mickelson, who has to be somewhat bewildered after finishing the official 2009 golf season toe-to-toe with Woods, with many predicting that all of 2010 would be a replay of their final round duel at the Masters.

Read the rest of this entry

The Jan – “Broken Knee”

Typical Pre and Post Ride Cyclist Conversation…

“The Jan” – Blog Entry #2 – Pre Vegas

Hey Folks – Hozumi and I are heading down to Vegas this weekend for a little R&R.  Bunch of folks are doing the Vegas Marathon on Sunday and this is usually the time we hit the California International Marathon in Sacramento, but this year we pulled the chute and we’re just going for fun – how about that?!  Maybe we’ll do a couple laps up and down the strip… nekkid.

Anyway, in honour of our trip, and the official Stage #1 start of the Peak Winter Cycling Race Series tomorrow, I thought I’d post another hilarious post from the famous  “The Jan Blog”.  Enjoy.

South Africa is being the hot.

The Jan is not understanding this. Why every year are we going to the South Africa? I mean, please for a second be thinking about this. Africa is being hot. Are you having any idea how hot it is being in South Africa? That is like going to the Hell, and then going to be taking an escalator down another flight. It is being the fucking hot, ok? That is what the Jan is saying.

Some of the things are going to the better. There have been no more of the nightmares about the Lance being a giant donut that is chasing me down and then stuffing itself into my mouth and then choking me and then pushing me down on the playground and I am being naked again and my GrandMaMa is there and she is crying. So that is good. I am not doing the thinking about him anymore. He is being the retired now. He said. No takebacks. He is still being the retired, right? Ok, that is the good.

I am being on the bicycle 5 hours a day down here. That is being the boring. Don’t get the Jan wrong, I am being loving the bicycle as an implement to inflict suffering on the Jan’s foes and make them cry with shame and make their blood to cover the ground in great red rivers, but there are being none of the foes in the training, and after yesterday they are telling me that I cannot even be beating the innocent bystanders with the rusty pipe anymore, the very pipe that the Jan is always carrying explicitly for the beating of innocents. The Jan is a wolf surrounded by sheep. Sometimes, I am giving the Klodi a wedgie, because when the Jan rides the bike, someone must suffer.

The Mob is being hearing that little Hairball Primavera himself, (that is the Basso for you people who are having the retardation,) is now going to ride the Giro like the Jan. We are not caring. The Mob is only going there to meet Italian chicks. I am not caring about the winning at the Giro. I am even thinking that I will be wearing only a cowboy hat for one stage, because that would be being the funny, and I am probably going to be being the drunk anyway. Sure, the Lance won 7 Tours, but did he ever win a stage naked? No, the Jan is thinking not.

Eh, the Jan will talk to you soon.

The Kaiser.

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